I Got Nothin

“Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all.”

1 Thessalonians 5:14

The ministers of the gospel are described by their work, which is to serve and honor the Lord. It is their duty not only to give good counsel but also to warn the flock of dangers, and reprove for whatever may be wrong or improper.

The people should honor and love their ministers because their business is the welfare of men’s souls. And the people should be at peace among themselves, doing all they can to guard against any differences.

But love of peace must not make us wink at sin. The fearful and sorrowful spirits should be encouraged and a kind word may do much good.

We must bear and forbear. We must be long-suffering and keep down anger towards others.

… and then there is me. Who is always banished, abandoned and betrayed for my role in ministering or my attempts at doing so …

I have neither any real friends worldly or godly (except one man in Florida)

The only people whom I have ever known loyal love from are the kids, and they had no power or say in my removals from their lives, or for some of them, they have no knowledge that I even exist. So they live a life derived from lies and deception. Their mother’s souls and the souls of the children were my responsibility and I failed them all …

So now here I am living over a bar where nobody is going to listen to a word I have to say. Many people I know are aware that I should be in ministry, but that’s as far as their interest goes.

I’m hurting over the loved ones and the life I’ve been robbed of. Multiple trials, multiple train wrecks all finally have me at a stand still. I no longer what to or where to turn. Prayers and fasting didn’t preserve or save my livelihood here. The place where I finally accepted and believed in my role for God …

Now, I got nothin… I’m beaten.

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Savin Me

Well it took 40 years but I finally said ” F my life” … I just lost a chance at a 2nd job because I don’t have a license. I wouldn’t need to drive, only move vehicles around. Even if I could get to the dmv, and even if I could practice driving, I would never pass a driver’s test in city traffic …

You know, a man never needed a license to drive a horse and wagon, and he didn’t need to be a slave to money for a women to stay loyal. He could work and provide off the land.

Now I am so sick of meat and cheese sandwiches, but I can’t afford much else and I have no reason to cook, nor any desire to use a shared kitchen …

Gets pretty old people telling me how to deal with my situations and circumstances when I’ve tried those tricks and methods multiple times and I have still gotten nowhere.
 
Someone said “why not be part of the solution?” … that’s what ALWAYS got me in trouble! In churches, at work, etc. It always got me condemned …
 
I wasn’t meant to live like this, nor was I meant to live in times like these. I have no doubt I would have a good life if I existed centuries ago. I say this because people could live off the land freely, farming, hunting, fishing and so on. Or even being a drifter was not always such a bad way to live either.
 
People simply can’t accept that a life like mine could exist. They can’t except that no one really has control over their circumstances. Things can go from good to bad overnight, and I have been thru multiple train wrecks. No matter how I tried I couldn’t stop the train from flying off the tracks.
 
My own personal failures and bad choices or behaviors may have impacted a lot of things, but most of my problems have been directly caused by other people …
 
Two years of homeless struggle, personal suffering and prayer landed me in the most amazing circumstances I could have ever had with a family and what was supposed to be a family ministry, then recently prayer did not stop the current train wreck I am now in…
So here I am again in a struggle of overwhelming loss and chest pain heartache. Not seeking another replacement life or family, but experience has taught me not to expect redemption either. Tho, my morning job takes me passed the home, and I still whisper prayers because that splitting thread is all I have to hold me up …
My not so well known ministry has gone completely inactive, and I haven’t shaved in months. I’m living over a bar … which is such an irony because the woman who put me into these circumstances use to boast about how she prayed for some bars to close and they did. Now she is drinking with the devil that’s in my home, living my life …
Even if I made good money and could help people the way I want, it would only pay for more distractions from all the emotional issues I cannot deal with. I just don’t know what to do anymore … so I’m doing nothing because that is all that’s left of me, nothing …
My time doesn’t run out, it just drags on …
Dead Dragons Society DDS Verse

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I really don’t know what I’m more angry about anymore. That she is teaching her daughter how to be a lying harlot and robbed her of a second father, or that I have once again been robbed of a life, perhaps the best one I ever lived before things began falling apart. Or at myself for screwing up too many times instead of being the stronger person. Or perhaps its more fear now. Fear that I will be living like this for the rest of my years …
 
Because I keep saying it. I do not want another replacement family, or replacement daughter or dog or whoever. I don’t want another replacement life. God brought me here to be this families leader and minister. Yes I failed for my part, but I spent my last several months praying and still sharing The Word. All for the sake and purpose of restoring that home to what we once started to be.
 
All that wasted energy. All the time crying in secret prayer, even at the altar. All the fight I put into it. Especially getting Grace back in the Bible and praying with me … Just for the devil to keep getting a stronger hold on the home and be allowed to remove me as a threat to his goals.
 
I will never understand or accept why God would allow this … why He is still allowing it. It has caused me to lose heart. I merely read a few verses a day now and make weak attempts at prayer out of habit, out of going thru the motions. I am wasting away accomplishing nothing, watching movies on the laptop all day. Because I simply do not know what else to do with myself.
 
I had a life in that home. Things and people I cared about and projects and tasks and animals to tend to. All of that has been stolen from me and some devils puppet is reaping what I sowed! Another daughter is growing up with lies about me. And two brothers who’s relationship with me dwindled because of video games and computers …
 
And their mother who took no accountability or responsibility for her part in this ruination and going against Gods plan. Who spoke only lies about me during my last weeks in that home.
 
Who forgot everything God meant us for …
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My Final End

I’ve been robbed of my sanctuary and my altar, my bibles, the care of a daughter and the love of my dog, my dream aquarium hobby, a life I invested hours and days of prayer and cried out to God to repair the damage that was done … many sleepless nights.

Instead the home has been lost to devils …

Now I understand Grace’s bad dream the previous night when she came across the hall crying to me. I believed she feared I’d be gone she held on pretty tight and hugged even tighter just this morning. It was like she knew …

Her mother has done this to her … her mother’s mind and heart have been taken the darkness. I’ve seen it so many times and fell victim to it more than once.

Now I am homeless … for the third or fourth time now because of persecution and a devil’s hatred for my desire to lead loved ones and save souls …

I was never supposed to go thru this again. This family was God’s gift for my salvation and I was theirs … they were my redemption and I failed them, and they failed me …

What is there left for me now … A shooting spree? People have done it for less. Drinking? People have become drunkards for far less. Drugs? People have died for less. Turning to hate … turning off the love and care for others, the desire to be someone who matters?

I have lost who I am. I have felt myself bein removed from other’s memories and forgotten too many times …

I hate what I’ve become. I’ve forgotten my own name …

We Are Ready

How can we save a soul by pointing fingers?
How do we expect to bring people to God
if our only goal is to settle a score …

I am not talking about defending our homes and loved ones
from threats. I am talking about protecting our homes and
loved ones from damnation …

The trouble we have today is that a threat to homes and damnation of it’s souls are many times one in the same. Your homes are infiltrated by people and things, vampires invited in providing the devil with a foothold and objects with demonic spirits attached causing a veil to be dropped, keeping them blind to the corruption …

Laziness takes over, parenting becomes non existent, moral authority and godly influence all thrown out the window…

I ask God what good is my faith and prayer if its only going to save myself? What good is being a minister with no following in a home with a backslid family? Forgive me, but I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to be …

How can I be about Your business Lord if I’m weighed down by the heaviness of all this nothingness? The devil an dthe Holy Ghot cannot occupy the same space … then how do You explain some of our households in this country?

I know its people and that You ask “Where are the people?” However, we in these positions pray that You get their attention back on You no matter what it takes, and yet nothing changes. In many cases it only keeps getting worse.

So the devil can hear our prayers too and cause the opposite to happen, but what difference should that make against You?

This is why we ask where are You? What are You doing? Are You doing anything? Because we can only see whats right in front of us, and we know the devil is in our homes destroying the souls of our loved ones little by little …

So I beg You, we ask Lord desperately, we implore You and give ourselves over, tiring ourselves in prayer for You to stay the madness. We are not going to stop or slow down our walk with You. Many of us have had a long way to grow to get where we are in our faith, but we are here, and we are established …

Not all men can do this alone and the lot of us have lost all spiritual and moral authority, both in home and church. Maybe we can’t get everyone on board, but as things are we are getting nobody …

Our dream, our desire and prayer is to lead for You … so please let us lead those closest to us so we as family units can reach out to others together as well as suport each other. These people are our appointed charges given by You. Please lift the veils, remove the footholds and free the homes up for us to be lead by Your Spirit and not by the enemy’s …

We are ready, not for the persecution and hatred to stop, but to lead others thru it for Your cause …

Fear And Forgiveness

“Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?”

Psalm 56:3-4

This was a time of fear for David. He was afraid of Achish aking of Gath in 1st Samuel 21:12.

Fear is designed to make us feel that we need God and to lead us to Him when we realize that we have no power to save ourselves from impending dangers.

Trust and confidence in the Lord is the best defense against fear. He who is unchangeable in His love, who has everlasting strength, and who is faithful and true to every word of promise. There is great reason to trust in The Lord and not be afraid. Of course throughout life and experiences its easy to become fearful of people’s actions against you.

“In God I will praise His word”, or praise him for the whole Scripture that was in existence at that time. For those testimonies which helped David in times of difficulty and distress.

He says “I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.” Man is but flesh, weak and perishing. God is an infinite Spirit, almighty and eternal. Even when the world around you is crumbling, God is with us when we seek after Him during those times.

Psalm 32:5 states:

“I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,” and You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah”

It is very difficult to bring sinful man humbly to accept free mercy, with a full confession of his sins to find conviction and self-condemnation. But the only way to peace of mind is to confess our sins that they may be forgiven, to declare them that we may be justified. To God, not a man in a booth …

Although repentance and confession do not merit pardon, they are needed for the comfort of forgiving mercy.

And what tongue can tell the happiness of that hour, when the soul oppressed by sin, then is suddenly enabled to freely pour its sorrows before God and to take hold of His covenanted mercy

In a time of finding, when the heart is softened with grief and burdened with guilt; when all human refuge fails and when no rest can be found for the troubled mind, then Jesus heals by His Spirit.

Admitting to our guilt, even after backsliding, with a genuine heart ready to change will always result in receiving Gods grace.

Acts Of Salvation 1

“Look to Me, and be saved, all you ends of the earth! For I am God, and there is no other.”

Isaiah 45:22

“Look unto Me, and be ye saved.” This is said in view of the declaration made in the previous verse, that He is a just God and the only Savior.

It is because He sustains this character that all are invited to look to God. The doctrine is, that the fact that God is at the same time just and yet a Savior, or can save consistently with His justice, is an argument why we should took to Him, and confide in him.

If The Lord is at the same time just, true to His promises, righteous in His dealings, maintaining the honor of His law and government, and showing His hatred of sin, as well as merciful, kind, and forgiving, it is a ground of confidence in God, and we should rejoice in the privilege of seeking Him for salvation.

The phrase “look unto Me” means the same as directing our attention to Him as we do to one from whom we expect aid. It denotes a conviction on our part of helplessness as when a man is drowning, he casts an imploring eye to one on the shore who can help him; or when a man is dying, he casts a pleading eye on a physician for assistance. Thus the direction to look to God for salvation implies a deep conviction of helplessness and of sin; and a deep conviction that only He can save. At the same time it shows the ease of salvation …

What is more easy than to look to one for help? What more easy than to cast the eyes toward God the Savior? What more reasonable than that He should require us to do it? And what more just than that God, if people will be so stubborn as to not look to Him in order that they would be saved, should cast them off forever? Assuredly, if a dying, ruined, and helpless sinner will not do so simple a thing as look to God for salvation, he ought to be excluded from Heaven, and the universe will acquiesce or accept the decision reluctantly but without protest, the decision which consigns him to despair.

All the ends of the earth as spoken of in Isaiah 40.

The invitation here proves:

1. That the offers of the gospel are universal. None are excluded. The ends of the earth, the remotest parts of the world, are invited to embrace salvation, and all those portions of the world might, under this invitation, come and accept the offers of life.

2. God is willing to save all; since He would not give an invitation at all unless He was willing to save them. He does give choices and will respond and reward accordingly.

3. There is ample provision for their salvation. Since God could not invite them to accept of what was not provided for them, nor could He ask them to partake of salvation which had no existence.

4. That it is our Lord’s serious and settled purpose that all the ends of the earth shall be invited to embrace the offers of salvation and life in eternity.

The invitation has gone from His lips, and the command has gone forth that it should be carried to every creature Mark 16:15 ” and go into all the world … ”
Now it pertains to His church (which is the people) to bear the news of salvation around the world. God intends that it shall be done, and on His church rests the responsibility of seeing the works executed.

It is clear that none but the true God can save the soul. No one else but He can pronounce sin forgiven; no one but he can rescue from a deserved hell. No priest nor man has such authority over our forgiveness …

Neither can any idol, no man, no angel can save, nor a song on the radio; and if, therefore, the sinner is saved, he must come to the true God, and depend on Him. That he would come to Christ, whatever may have been his past character, is abundantly proved by this passage.

This verse contains truth enough, if properly understood and applied, to save the world; and on the ground of this, all people, of all ages, nations, climes, ranks, and character, might come and obtain eternal salvation.

“I am bankrupt without love” King And Country