Feeding The Beast

“My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague,
And my relatives stand afar off.
Those also who seek my life lay snares for me;
Those who seek my hurt speak of destruction,
And plan deception all the day long”

Psalm 38 :11-12

God is not to blame for the problems in the world, but I do understand people’s anger because He did banish Lucifer and left him to rule on Earth. I understand the misguided reasoning that God turned His back on His creation. Truth be told mankind has turned away from God, and it has at times become difficult to decipher between blessings from God or gifts from the devil that keep people blind.

Faith is proven during tragedy. Tho, there are the rare few people in the truth who do live decent lives. They’re family history is probably not riddled and dirtied with too much sin.

Unlike mine. I have been unable to escape whatever generational curse or sins of the father mysteries are in my ancestry. It has kept me from marriage and family life more than once. It has kept me from financial stability. I’ve been homeless 3 times and staring at the possibility again. My own children are either unaware of my existence or their mothers have raised them with lies. My oldest is at an age accountability now, and it scares me …

I fear for their upbringings as it is. The influences around them. I’m tired of being forced to constantly focus on my circumstances when people I love are lost …

“Confounded be all they that serve graven images, that boast themselves of idols” Psalm 97:7



People have become so self entitled, whether they’re poor, middle class or wealthy. We blame God for bad things in the world, but what do we do about them? Nothing! Those of us who have tried are shot down and rejected.

We don’t stand against the right things, we riot and destroy our own communities, we allow government, politics and media to control our every move and choice with fear and advertisement. We feed the very beast that we claim freedom from …



My frustrations are at people, at myself and yes at moments they are at God. I am no better than anyone else. I just know the reality of things, and don’t shy away from it.

That of course heavily contributes to why my life is the way it is. There is no balance for me. It’s all one sided. Whatever dark history is in my family line along with my own dark past combined with the persecution as well as personal and financial hardships. It’s all worked against me for over 4 decades …

Nothing I’ve ever done or said has made a difference or started any kind of revolution. I’ve seen people lose their jobs for helping me in my struggles. And others who have helped me eventually turn their backs on me as well because I remained steadfast in my beliefs on biblical truths.

Most people don’t believe it’s possible to have nothing because most people never experienced such a thing. Most people also have not been homeless 3 times and aren’t looking at it happening again.

I haven’t written a biblical message in many months because I am so weighed down with everything. It’s all can do just to kneel in prayer most of the time.

My messages in the past have included personal matters and experiences, but it’s different now. My mind is too cluttered with stress and my heart is too overwhelmed with emotion. Even if I may be having some spiritual breakthrough, my life in general is still in need of saving, and still desperate for stable normalcy …

“But my enemies are vigorous, and they are strong;
And those who hate me wrongfully have multiplied.” Psalm 38:19



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