Afflicted Pariah

I have tried getting my prayer warrior groove back and I just don’t seem to have it in me anymore. I’ve been beaten back down in battle so many times

I know from experience that heroism in stories and movies is not realistic. People who lose and sacrifice for things like the truth with the intent of saving others are usually suffering such loss and betrayal because of those people they tried to save. And they usually end up alone with no one …

Something they say I these hero stories is the stubbornness and constant defiance always makes things worse and the enemies more angry. However the heroes typically have a support system and are now always alone. Whereas I do not …

If I died right now nobody would know for days, maybe weeks when they came looking for the rent. Which at this point I may not even have …

Nobody online would ever know and there is no one to call and inform. If anyone were to get on my computer or devices and see my pages and files, who knows what they would do …

My kids and their mothers would never know. My own family would never know.

I know that in my current situation I should just hit the road as I’ve talked about, but like most things I just need the excuse that would justify it. Or I need a place to go, but nobody is out there waiting for me, or looking for me …

This is my persecution, my own personal, emotional Hell. I have no legacy. I have served no purpose beyond being like a sacrificial lamb so others can live in their life of lies.


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