It’s not been any secret what my current hardship is. Seems like that’s all I ever have. I had personal pages for sharing on such matters as well my personal writings, but nobody really pays them any mind …
So obviously is it quite difficult for me to care as a much about posting on the page’s subject matter right now. I was already struggling to get to my next job before this all started. I was already tired of just sitting around before all this started. I’m barely interested in any form of entertainment, as I already was before this all started.
I’ve spent time praying and trying to communicate with God as best I can in my current frame of mind. That has not been easy since I have utterly lacked in being touched by the Holy Ghost during the last 2 years after my 2nd wife’s betrayal. I do not know who can recall any of that.
These pages of mine have grown more in the last 2 years than in the years before and during my first marriage. Tho, I’ve gradually grown weary of them. I have several pages and groups as well as other sites and video channels that actually get very little attention.
Anyway, People have been praying for me. My one real friend left in the world who is also a minister has been praying for my path to lead me into better circumstances. My recent employment was suppose to be my ticket, financially at least, but as we all can see, it was just another failed venture. Now we are in this crisis and I fear I will be homeless by next month.
I have sought out new work during the last few weeks. I have sought assistance, and I have been waiting on something from unemployment for weeks. Nothing is changing.
I don’t want to sit around on my rear self isolating anymore. I need a job I can take, I need rescuing or I need an escape. I don’t care anymore. I’ve already stated I will not accept just becoming homeless a 4th time in 10 years. I will head out West to open spaces, away from populated areas if this wannabe mini apocalypse insists on continuing …
That is not an adventure I look forward to doing on foot. See, if I had a vehicle I would have already been gone from here a long time ago …
So I cannot say specifically what I should ask people to pray for anymore. My health is also still an issue, even to the point where all the stress has made my teeth crack apart and fall out.
I honestly question whether some of what people are praying for has created conflict in how I might be blessed or saved from all this. I even wonder if my own self doubt and weakened faith contribute to it.
All I do know is that I am in great and dire need. Certainly I need a huge financial blessing, but I need more than just that. Even while I was working so much I still came back to my room over this bar every night. I was still depressed over my losses and my children living their lives not knowing I existed.
So you see, money can help to fix a lot of things and buy me better living circumstances, but I will still be alone in regards to other personal matters.
It 2020. I’m 43. I never would have expected to be backpacking across the country by this time in my life, and it may yet come to that.