Blacklisted

Don’t judge Christians with afflictions. You don’t know if they struggle with conviction. And don’t attack ministers with a chequered or dark past. Its the message you need to know. Not the person telling it.

Paul had an affliction and an evil past. God used him. As well as many others …

I don’t understand for myself why I have felt called. I’ve never been arrogant enough to believe I was chosen, but I desired it. I’ve never sought compensation for preaching, but the church is suppose to help evangelists on their path … Except the church no longer seeks truth and simply rejects most truth speakers.

My own churches I was part of and my own friends who were fellow Pastors have left me homeless, helped my first wife commit adultery and steal my daughter from me. They’ve allowed their board members to vote me out and lied to other members about why I was suddenly gone …

You see Pastors are like Presidents in this country. They have no power over their flocks. The people with money and influence control them … And of course many congregations are controlled and manipulated by the women, which is witchcraft and rebellion …

I am a very hated person and cannot really get close to people anymore because of how things turn out if I start preaching morals. Even my wives who believed the same truths were made to turn on me …

I’m never invited to be a part of anything or given a chance to financially better myself because most people I meet know I’m set apart, even if they don’t know why …

The same problem exists for me in the job market as well …

This is not self loathing, although I do feel that at times. I’m trying to make a point about the world and how the devil’s universe has more power than most realize.

My prayers once had impact and got results. My 2nd wife before we even got together, she had back problems. I prayed dor it and the problem vanished, until we were no longer a spiritually functioning unit, then it started coming back … Which was also when my prayers gradually lost their potency.

I learned from my 2 marriages that I am not meant to be alone. I believed that my whole life, and having tasted that home and family life more than once, I’ll never get over being without it. Especially with my kids out there …

Praying doesn’t bring me peace during this past year. Its actually painful. Perhaps that’s a form of spiritual oppression, I don’t know. All I know is people keep telling me to stay strong, stay faithful. I have neither been strong or faithful for a long time.

I don’t even know what compels me to keep speaking the truth. I did the same thing when I was homeless in Florida. And times before that I proved my faith thru so many hardships.

I’ve considered the generational curse. I’ve wondered if I’m being punished or paying atonement for my own dark history or afflictions. I’ve related very well to many individuals in the Bible. Tho, moat of them went thru their trials for brief periods …

I can’t say anything for certain. I only know that I struggle to sleep at night and wake up miserable because of what has become of my life.

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