Savin Me

Well it took 40 years but I finally said ” F my life” … I just lost a chance at a 2nd job because I don’t have a license. I wouldn’t need to drive, only move vehicles around. Even if I could get to the dmv, and even if I could practice driving, I would never pass a driver’s test in city traffic …

You know, a man never needed a license to drive a horse and wagon, and he didn’t need to be a slave to money for a women to stay loyal. He could work and provide off the land.

Now I am so sick of meat and cheese sandwiches, but I can’t afford much else and I have no reason to cook, nor any desire to use a shared kitchen …

Gets pretty old people telling me how to deal with my situations and circumstances when I’ve tried those tricks and methods multiple times and I have still gotten nowhere.
 
Someone said “why not be part of the solution?” … that’s what ALWAYS got me in trouble! In churches, at work, etc. It always got me condemned …
 
I wasn’t meant to live like this, nor was I meant to live in times like these. I have no doubt I would have a good life if I existed centuries ago. I say this because people could live off the land freely, farming, hunting, fishing and so on. Or even being a drifter was not always such a bad way to live either.
 
People simply can’t accept that a life like mine could exist. They can’t except that no one really has control over their circumstances. Things can go from good to bad overnight, and I have been thru multiple train wrecks. No matter how I tried I couldn’t stop the train from flying off the tracks.
 
My own personal failures and bad choices or behaviors may have impacted a lot of things, but most of my problems have been directly caused by other people …
 
Two years of homeless struggle, personal suffering and prayer landed me in the most amazing circumstances I could have ever had with a family and what was supposed to be a family ministry, then recently prayer did not stop the current train wreck I am now in…
So here I am again in a struggle of overwhelming loss and chest pain heartache. Not seeking another replacement life or family, but experience has taught me not to expect redemption either. Tho, my morning job takes me passed the home, and I still whisper prayers because that splitting thread is all I have to hold me up …
My not so well known ministry has gone completely inactive, and I haven’t shaved in months. I’m living over a bar … which is such an irony because the woman who put me into these circumstances use to boast about how she prayed for some bars to close and they did. Now she is drinking with the devil that’s in my home, living my life …
Even if I made good money and could help people the way I want, it would only pay for more distractions from all the emotional issues I cannot deal with. I just don’t know what to do anymore … so I’m doing nothing because that is all that’s left of me, nothing …
My time doesn’t run out, it just drags on …
Dead Dragons Society DDS Verse
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