Savin Me

Well it took 40 years but I finally said ” F my life” … I just lost a chance at a 2nd job because I don’t have a license. I wouldn’t need to drive, only move vehicles around. Even if I could get to the dmv, and even if I could practice driving, I would never pass a driver’s test in city traffic …

You know, a man never needed a license to drive a horse and wagon, and he didn’t need to be a slave to money for a women to stay loyal. He could work and provide off the land.

Now I am so sick of meat and cheese sandwiches, but I can’t afford much else and I have no reason to cook, nor any desire to use a shared kitchen …

Gets pretty old people telling me how to deal with my situations and circumstances when I’ve tried those tricks and methods multiple times and I have still gotten nowhere.
 
Someone said “why not be part of the solution?” … that’s what ALWAYS got me in trouble! In churches, at work, etc. It always got me condemned …
 
I wasn’t meant to live like this, nor was I meant to live in times like these. I have no doubt I would have a good life if I existed centuries ago. I say this because people could live off the land freely, farming, hunting, fishing and so on. Or even being a drifter was not always such a bad way to live either.
 
People simply can’t accept that a life like mine could exist. They can’t except that no one really has control over their circumstances. Things can go from good to bad overnight, and I have been thru multiple train wrecks. No matter how I tried I couldn’t stop the train from flying off the tracks.
 
My own personal failures and bad choices or behaviors may have impacted a lot of things, but most of my problems have been directly caused by other people …
 
Two years of homeless struggle, personal suffering and prayer landed me in the most amazing circumstances I could have ever had with a family and what was supposed to be a family ministry, then recently prayer did not stop the current train wreck I am now in…
So here I am again in a struggle of overwhelming loss and chest pain heartache. Not seeking another replacement life or family, but experience has taught me not to expect redemption either. Tho, my morning job takes me passed the home, and I still whisper prayers because that splitting thread is all I have to hold me up …
My not so well known ministry has gone completely inactive, and I haven’t shaved in months. I’m living over a bar … which is such an irony because the woman who put me into these circumstances use to boast about how she prayed for some bars to close and they did. Now she is drinking with the devil that’s in my home, living my life …
Even if I made good money and could help people the way I want, it would only pay for more distractions from all the emotional issues I cannot deal with. I just don’t know what to do anymore … so I’m doing nothing because that is all that’s left of me, nothing …
My time doesn’t run out, it just drags on …
Dead Dragons Society DDS Verse
Advertisements

Untitled

I really don’t know what I’m more angry about anymore. That she is teaching her daughter how to be a lying harlot and robbed her of a second father, or that I have once again been robbed of a life, perhaps the best one I ever lived before things began falling apart. Or at myself for screwing up too many times instead of being the stronger person. Or perhaps its more fear now. Fear that I will be living like this for the rest of my years …
 
Because I keep saying it. I do not want another replacement family, or replacement daughter or dog or whoever. I don’t want another replacement life. God brought me here to be this families leader and minister. Yes I failed for my part, but I spent my last several months praying and still sharing The Word. All for the sake and purpose of restoring that home to what we once started to be.
 
All that wasted energy. All the time crying in secret prayer, even at the altar. All the fight I put into it. Especially getting Grace back in the Bible and praying with me … Just for the devil to keep getting a stronger hold on the home and be allowed to remove me as a threat to his goals.
 
I will never understand or accept why God would allow this … why He is still allowing it. It has caused me to lose heart. I merely read a few verses a day now and make weak attempts at prayer out of habit, out of going thru the motions. I am wasting away accomplishing nothing, watching movies on the laptop all day. Because I simply do not know what else to do with myself.
 
I had a life in that home. Things and people I cared about and projects and tasks and animals to tend to. All of that has been stolen from me and some devils puppet is reaping what I sowed! Another daughter is growing up with lies about me. And two brothers who’s relationship with me dwindled because of video games and computers …
 
And their mother who took no accountability or responsibility for her part in this ruination and going against Gods plan. Who spoke only lies about me during my last weeks in that home.
 
Who forgot everything God meant us for …
orison-swett-marden-quote-existence-without-an-aim-without-a-worthy
 

Matthew 17:14-18

In order to understand my recent messages you can see my FB wall: Darien Masters

“And when they had come to the multitude, a man came to Him, kneeling down to Him and saying, “Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is an epileptic and suffers severely; for he often falls into the fire and often into the water. So I brought him to Your disciples, but they could not cure him.”

“Then Jesus answered and said, “O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I bear with you? Bring him here to Me.” And Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of him; and the child was cured from that very hour.”

Matthew 17:14-18

Jesus here challenges believers who fail to influence others with the power of His kingdom. Certainly I’ve influenced people alright. We see where that always gets me far too often.

My prayers were a difference maker until suddenly it seemed to just stop. Something was broken in the home, and no matter how much more I tried and how hard I prayed I could not get rid of the devil’s hold over the home. At one point I know I was about to impact things to turn around, and the devil gave himself a very strong foothold by bringing that one I call a vampire into the house. Then at another point I got a child, Grace back on board with Bible reading and prayer, and as I said once before, I felt a shift in the foundation. I felt it crack. The devil was angered, and so here I am banished from my own life that was a gift from God because somewhere, somehow I failed …

A lunatic is a person afflicted with epileptic or other disorders, which are always known to have a singular increase at the change and full of the moon. This explains werewolves I suppose.

But this lunacy was occasioned by a demon.

Matthew 17:18
Mark 9:17
Luke 9:38.

In this case, the devil intended to hide himself under the appearance of a natural disorder, that no supernatural means might be resorted to for his expulsion.

Luke 9:39.

The devil has similarly disguised himself as this vampire who has “related” to the mother of these children, stole my life and has put up this facade to keep a darkness in the home. It angered him that I helped Grace to see thru it. She could see her mother was acting wrong and making her lie to me. Now I am very scared to know if Grace has become infected or if God has kept her anchored to continue praying for me to return …

I also know the minds of that family are afflicted by some disorders. And the devil has harped on that greatly in the mind of their mother. Many of us are afflicted by something. Some just hide or keep it in check better.

This man in the scripture had brought his son to the disciples, not to the apostles. They had power over unclean spirits (Matthew 10:8) but he took the boy to others of God’s followers who attempted to work miracles. It is probable that many of His disciples attempted this who were not personal attendants on The Lord’s ministry (Mark 9:38)

I myself have sought greater power, influence and confidence in Jesus’ Holy Ghost works. I seemed to have had a grip on some at one time. I’d do anything to have it back and to lead this family with it once again …

“Faithless and perverse generation” These and the following words may be considered as spoken:

1. To the disciples, because of their unbelief, Matthew 17:20.

2. To the father of the possessed, who should have brought his son to Christ.

3. To the whole multitude, who were slow of heart to believe in Him as the Messiah, notwithstanding the miracles which He wrought.

Just as a faithless perversion has run me out of the house in which God appointed me …

And Jesus rebuked the devil for having afflicted the child, and commanded him to come out of the boy. “Mark 9:25” has recorded the words which Jesus used. Words implying reproof and command: “Thou dumb and deaf spirit, I charge thee come out of him, and enter no more into him.”

And the spirit cried, and with a mighty convulsion came out, leaving the child apparently dead. Jesus lifted him up by the hand and gave the child to his father.

There is a spirit or many spirits that have overrun my home and forced me out. I have prayed rebuke and for angels to swarm the home and cleanse it for my return. I do not know when, how or if it will happen. I only know it needs to. Grace needs me, my dog needs me, the others need me, my life there needs me, and I need them. I need my sanctuary and altar back. I need this redemption and to restore the home … to save their souls. As well as mine.

2 Samuel 7:27-29

In order to understand my latest messages you should see my FB profile wall … Darien Masters

“For You, O LORD of hosts, God of Israel, have revealed this to Your servant, saying, ‘I will build you a house.’ Therefore Your servant has found it in his heart to pray this prayer to You. “And now, O Lord GOD, You are God, and Your words are true, and You have promised this goodness to Your servant. Now therefore, let it please You to bless the house of Your servant, that it may continue before You forever; for You, O Lord GOD, have spoken it, and with Your blessing let the house of Your servant be blessed forever.”

2 Samuel 7:27-29

Recently I have pointed out my house and family were gifts from God that I prayed to protect and then prayed restore before it lead to me losing everything and being tossed from yet another life.

David’s prayer is full of words of devout affection toward God. He had low thoughts of his own merits, as I do not think so highly myself either. All we have must be looked upon as Divine gifts. David speaks very highly and honorably of the Lord’s favors to him. Considering what the character and condition of man is, we may be amazed that God should deal with David as He does.

The promise of Christ includes all “if the Lord God be ours, what more can we ask, or think of?” Ephesians 3:20.

I did my best and put my heart and soul into making a life in that home. After having been thru so much loss and trial for years prior to this. Never did I put myself above anyone and always did what things I could for the kids and their mother. After my prayers essentially stopped protecting the home from attack and even invasion, I did finally get one child back on board with me in Bible and prayer, that being Grace. That made the devil more angry …

He knows us better than we know ourselves and therefore I was satisfied with what He has done for us. What more can we say for ourselves in our prayers than God has said for us in His promises? However, many things started to falter and eventually ended altogether. Some of it was my own fault. We stopped reading the Bible before dinner, stopped eating at the table and stopped holding our own services in the sanctuary. I could no longer get their mother to spend time at the altar. Over the months I often mentioned that we have gotten away from all this, but no one paid it any mind. Video games and entertainment took over, also partially my fault. My moral authority all went out the window …

Only I for a while kept up in prayer and trying to maintain the ministry alone. Without the love and support if them of course it never grew into anything beyond the internet. Even my videos rarely got attention.

David attributes all to the free grace of God. Both the great things He had done for him and the great things God had made known to him. All was for His word’s sake, that is, for the sake of Christ the eternal Word.

Prayer which is from the tongue only will not please God; it must be found in the heart, lifted up and poured out before God. For a time I wondered and worried if my prayers no longer held any meaning or impact because things I had previously been protecting with prayer were not being protected anymore …

Then finally Grace joined me again in reading the word and praying with me. I go in circles with God about this a lot right now because I am scared her renewed faith is now broken by her mother’s actions against me and this has damaged her daughter greatly having two fathers taken from her …

With God, saying and doing are not two different things as they often are with men; God will do as He has said. The promises of God are not made to us by name, as to David, but they belong to all who believe in Jesus and plead them in His name. I came here knowing gods plan and tho I failed in leading, I prayed desperately for everything to be renewed so I could start fresh where we left off on the right path …

So here I am in this position now while the devil has been allowed to take my kingdom from me. I barely eat and have little motivation for this. I have things to do, people and responsibilities I care about that need me, and I need them …

If I am not to be returned to that home. If Grace has not continued in prayer to bring me back … then all of these happenings are senseless.

My Final End

I’ve been robbed of my sanctuary and my altar, my bibles, the care of a daughter and the love of my dog, my dream aquarium hobby, a life I invested hours and days of prayer and cried out to God to repair the damage that was done … many sleepless nights.

Instead the home has been lost to devils …

Now I understand Grace’s bad dream the previous night when she came across the hall crying to me. I believed she feared I’d be gone she held on pretty tight and hugged even tighter just this morning. It was like she knew …

Her mother has done this to her … her mother’s mind and heart have been taken the darkness. I’ve seen it so many times and fell victim to it more than once.

Now I am homeless … for the third or fourth time now because of persecution and a devil’s hatred for my desire to lead loved ones and save souls …

I was never supposed to go thru this again. This family was God’s gift for my salvation and I was theirs … they were my redemption and I failed them, and they failed me …

What is there left for me now … A shooting spree? People have done it for less. Drinking? People have become drunkards for far less. Drugs? People have died for less. Turning to hate … turning off the love and care for others, the desire to be someone who matters?

I have lost who I am. I have felt myself bein removed from other’s memories and forgotten too many times …

I hate what I’ve become. I’ve forgotten my own name …

We Are Ready

How can we save a soul by pointing fingers?
How do we expect to bring people to God
if our only goal is to settle a score …

I am not talking about defending our homes and loved ones
from threats. I am talking about protecting our homes and
loved ones from damnation …

The trouble we have today is that a threat to homes and damnation of it’s souls are many times one in the same. Your homes are infiltrated by people and things, vampires invited in providing the devil with a foothold and objects with demonic spirits attached causing a veil to be dropped, keeping them blind to the corruption …

Laziness takes over, parenting becomes non existent, moral authority and godly influence all thrown out the window…

I ask God what good is my faith and prayer if its only going to save myself? What good is being a minister with no following in a home with a backslid family? Forgive me, but I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to be …

How can I be about Your business Lord if I’m weighed down by the heaviness of all this nothingness? The devil an dthe Holy Ghot cannot occupy the same space … then how do You explain some of our households in this country?

I know its people and that You ask “Where are the people?” However, we in these positions pray that You get their attention back on You no matter what it takes, and yet nothing changes. In many cases it only keeps getting worse.

So the devil can hear our prayers too and cause the opposite to happen, but what difference should that make against You?

This is why we ask where are You? What are You doing? Are You doing anything? Because we can only see whats right in front of us, and we know the devil is in our homes destroying the souls of our loved ones little by little …

So I beg You, we ask Lord desperately, we implore You and give ourselves over, tiring ourselves in prayer for You to stay the madness. We are not going to stop or slow down our walk with You. Many of us have had a long way to grow to get where we are in our faith, but we are here, and we are established …

Not all men can do this alone and the lot of us have lost all spiritual and moral authority, both in home and church. Maybe we can’t get everyone on board, but as things are we are getting nobody …

Our dream, our desire and prayer is to lead for You … so please let us lead those closest to us so we as family units can reach out to others together as well as suport each other. These people are our appointed charges given by You. Please lift the veils, remove the footholds and free the homes up for us to be lead by Your Spirit and not by the enemy’s …

We are ready, not for the persecution and hatred to stop, but to lead others thru it for Your cause …

Fear And Forgiveness

“Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?”

Psalm 56:3-4

This was a time of fear for David. He was afraid of Achish aking of Gath in 1st Samuel 21:12.

Fear is designed to make us feel that we need God and to lead us to Him when we realize that we have no power to save ourselves from impending dangers.

Trust and confidence in the Lord is the best defense against fear. He who is unchangeable in His love, who has everlasting strength, and who is faithful and true to every word of promise. There is great reason to trust in The Lord and not be afraid. Of course throughout life and experiences its easy to become fearful of people’s actions against you.

“In God I will praise His word”, or praise him for the whole Scripture that was in existence at that time. For those testimonies which helped David in times of difficulty and distress.

He says “I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.” Man is but flesh, weak and perishing. God is an infinite Spirit, almighty and eternal. Even when the world around you is crumbling, God is with us when we seek after Him during those times.

Psalm 32:5 states:

“I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I have not hidden. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,” and You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah”

It is very difficult to bring sinful man humbly to accept free mercy, with a full confession of his sins to find conviction and self-condemnation. But the only way to peace of mind is to confess our sins that they may be forgiven, to declare them that we may be justified. To God, not a man in a booth …

Although repentance and confession do not merit pardon, they are needed for the comfort of forgiving mercy.

And what tongue can tell the happiness of that hour, when the soul oppressed by sin, then is suddenly enabled to freely pour its sorrows before God and to take hold of His covenanted mercy

In a time of finding, when the heart is softened with grief and burdened with guilt; when all human refuge fails and when no rest can be found for the troubled mind, then Jesus heals by His Spirit.

Admitting to our guilt, even after backsliding, with a genuine heart ready to change will always result in receiving Gods grace.