Wrong Ideals

During the 90’s there were these “Take Back The Night” rallies against rape and other violence from men. Certainly there is a serious matter to deal with here.

However, there are also so many men out there who’s lives are ruined by some girl’s bad choices or lies or because they’re the ones who are actually guilty of something while the men are the real victims.

In today’s society and in many marital situations we are riddled with dysfunction because of the total breakdown of what a home and family environment should be. Too many influences pulling everyone in so many directions and pushing us to the limits of our own ability to maintain a sense of sanity, of humanity and of reality.

We have allowed ourselves to be destroyed from within. Yes, we give too much power to government rule, but much of that started in the home, and even before the feminist movement after the war. Which was no accident. There was always an agenda …

Entertainment has been the greatest and easiest tool of use to twist and confuse the minds and hearts of millions. What with so much false history mixed with truth in film and music. Thousands of lies told by media and a puppet show for the politically brainwashed …

It keeps us all arguing and even defending the wrong ideals with misguided passion and unfocused eyes …

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Freedom Is A Lie

I watch various shows that portray a lot of truth about what the governments are truly about. Recently was Nikita and Alias. These 2 programs reveal so much about what really happens right under our noses and the fake cover stories fed to the media. The worst part about it is that they finally give the heroes their due and make it look like the country actually has any freedom to protect, but in reality all they end up doing is making excuses for keeping the secrets in order to protect themselves from us …
Nikita surprised me, and was actually better than Alias, but the kinds of endings like these stories display are just fantasy. These people had to sell their souls to gain their freedom. It doesn’t work like that for everyone in real life. Trust me I know. The freedom to truly live is so far out of reach for most of us.
In the real world no one person or one group of people are succeeding in fighting for us. Whenever they make a dent, they’re shut down and a cover story is put in place to make them look like the enemies.
In the real world, a person who is declared an enemy of the state is most likely a friend to the people. I am not saying that every so named terrorist group out there is fighting for something besides themselves, but most of them are not wrong and most of them are standing against government rule, and with good reason to do so. They don’t use the fake methods like voting or protesting which were created by the system to try and change the system. They are trying to shut the system down. But because too many people are scared little sheep, these groups are never strong enough …
Governments are the terrorists, or are controlled by psychotic sociopaths who use our fear, money, distraction and the deception of the American dream to keep us under control, to prevent us from stopping them …
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I Got Nothin

“Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all.”

1 Thessalonians 5:14

The ministers of the gospel are described by their work, which is to serve and honor the Lord. It is their duty not only to give good counsel but also to warn the flock of dangers, and reprove for whatever may be wrong or improper.

The people should honor and love their ministers because their business is the welfare of men’s souls. And the people should be at peace among themselves, doing all they can to guard against any differences.

But love of peace must not make us wink at sin. The fearful and sorrowful spirits should be encouraged and a kind word may do much good.

We must bear and forbear. We must be long-suffering and keep down anger towards others.

… and then there is me. Who is always banished, abandoned and betrayed for my role in ministering or my attempts at doing so …

I have neither any real friends worldly or godly (except one man in Florida)

The only people whom I have ever known loyal love from are the kids, and they had no power or say in my removals from their lives, or for some of them, they have no knowledge that I even exist. So they live a life derived from lies and deception. Their mother’s souls and the souls of the children were my responsibility and I failed them all …

So now here I am living over a bar where nobody is going to listen to a word I have to say. Many people I know are aware that I should be in ministry, but that’s as far as their interest goes.

I’m hurting over the loved ones and the life I’ve been robbed of. Multiple trials, multiple train wrecks all finally have me at a stand still. I no longer what to or where to turn. Prayers and fasting didn’t preserve or save my livelihood here. The place where I finally accepted and believed in my role for God …

Now, I got nothin… I’m beaten.

Savin Me

Well it took 40 years but I finally said ” F my life” … I just lost a chance at a 2nd job because I don’t have a license. I wouldn’t need to drive, only move vehicles around. Even if I could get to the dmv, and even if I could practice driving, I would never pass a driver’s test in city traffic …

You know, a man never needed a license to drive a horse and wagon, and he didn’t need to be a slave to money for a women to stay loyal. He could work and provide off the land.

Now I am so sick of meat and cheese sandwiches, but I can’t afford much else and I have no reason to cook, nor any desire to use a shared kitchen …

Gets pretty old people telling me how to deal with my situations and circumstances when I’ve tried those tricks and methods multiple times and I have still gotten nowhere.
 
Someone said “why not be part of the solution?” … that’s what ALWAYS got me in trouble! In churches, at work, etc. It always got me condemned …
 
I wasn’t meant to live like this, nor was I meant to live in times like these. I have no doubt I would have a good life if I existed centuries ago. I say this because people could live off the land freely, farming, hunting, fishing and so on. Or even being a drifter was not always such a bad way to live either.
 
People simply can’t accept that a life like mine could exist. They can’t except that no one really has control over their circumstances. Things can go from good to bad overnight, and I have been thru multiple train wrecks. No matter how I tried I couldn’t stop the train from flying off the tracks.
 
My own personal failures and bad choices or behaviors may have impacted a lot of things, but most of my problems have been directly caused by other people …
 
Two years of homeless struggle, personal suffering and prayer landed me in the most amazing circumstances I could have ever had with a family and what was supposed to be a family ministry, then recently prayer did not stop the current train wreck I am now in…
So here I am again in a struggle of overwhelming loss and chest pain heartache. Not seeking another replacement life or family, but experience has taught me not to expect redemption either. Tho, my morning job takes me passed the home, and I still whisper prayers because that splitting thread is all I have to hold me up …
My not so well known ministry has gone completely inactive, and I haven’t shaved in months. I’m living over a bar … which is such an irony because the woman who put me into these circumstances use to boast about how she prayed for some bars to close and they did. Now she is drinking with the devil that’s in my home, living my life …
Even if I made good money and could help people the way I want, it would only pay for more distractions from all the emotional issues I cannot deal with. I just don’t know what to do anymore … so I’m doing nothing because that is all that’s left of me, nothing …
My time doesn’t run out, it just drags on …
Dead Dragons Society DDS Verse

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I really don’t know what I’m more angry about anymore. That she is teaching her daughter how to be a lying harlot and robbed her of a second father, or that I have once again been robbed of a life, perhaps the best one I ever lived before things began falling apart. Or at myself for screwing up too many times instead of being the stronger person. Or perhaps its more fear now. Fear that I will be living like this for the rest of my years …
 
Because I keep saying it. I do not want another replacement family, or replacement daughter or dog or whoever. I don’t want another replacement life. God brought me here to be this families leader and minister. Yes I failed for my part, but I spent my last several months praying and still sharing The Word. All for the sake and purpose of restoring that home to what we once started to be.
 
All that wasted energy. All the time crying in secret prayer, even at the altar. All the fight I put into it. Especially getting Grace back in the Bible and praying with me … Just for the devil to keep getting a stronger hold on the home and be allowed to remove me as a threat to his goals.
 
I will never understand or accept why God would allow this … why He is still allowing it. It has caused me to lose heart. I merely read a few verses a day now and make weak attempts at prayer out of habit, out of going thru the motions. I am wasting away accomplishing nothing, watching movies on the laptop all day. Because I simply do not know what else to do with myself.
 
I had a life in that home. Things and people I cared about and projects and tasks and animals to tend to. All of that has been stolen from me and some devils puppet is reaping what I sowed! Another daughter is growing up with lies about me. And two brothers who’s relationship with me dwindled because of video games and computers …
 
And their mother who took no accountability or responsibility for her part in this ruination and going against Gods plan. Who spoke only lies about me during my last weeks in that home.
 
Who forgot everything God meant us for …
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Matthew 17:14-18

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“And when they had come to the multitude, a man came to Him, kneeling down to Him and saying, “Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is an epileptic and suffers severely; for he often falls into the fire and often into the water. So I brought him to Your disciples, but they could not cure him.”

“Then Jesus answered and said, “O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I bear with you? Bring him here to Me.” And Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of him; and the child was cured from that very hour.”

Matthew 17:14-18

Jesus here challenges believers who fail to influence others with the power of His kingdom. Certainly I’ve influenced people alright. We see where that always gets me far too often.

My prayers were a difference maker until suddenly it seemed to just stop. Something was broken in the home, and no matter how much more I tried and how hard I prayed I could not get rid of the devil’s hold over the home. At one point I know I was about to impact things to turn around, and the devil gave himself a very strong foothold by bringing that one I call a vampire into the house. Then at another point I got a child, Grace back on board with Bible reading and prayer, and as I said once before, I felt a shift in the foundation. I felt it crack. The devil was angered, and so here I am banished from my own life that was a gift from God because somewhere, somehow I failed …

A lunatic is a person afflicted with epileptic or other disorders, which are always known to have a singular increase at the change and full of the moon. This explains werewolves I suppose.

But this lunacy was occasioned by a demon.

Matthew 17:18
Mark 9:17
Luke 9:38.

In this case, the devil intended to hide himself under the appearance of a natural disorder, that no supernatural means might be resorted to for his expulsion.

Luke 9:39.

The devil has similarly disguised himself as this vampire who has “related” to the mother of these children, stole my life and has put up this facade to keep a darkness in the home. It angered him that I helped Grace to see thru it. She could see her mother was acting wrong and making her lie to me. Now I am very scared to know if Grace has become infected or if God has kept her anchored to continue praying for me to return …

I also know the minds of that family are afflicted by some disorders. And the devil has harped on that greatly in the mind of their mother. Many of us are afflicted by something. Some just hide or keep it in check better.

This man in the scripture had brought his son to the disciples, not to the apostles. They had power over unclean spirits (Matthew 10:8) but he took the boy to others of God’s followers who attempted to work miracles. It is probable that many of His disciples attempted this who were not personal attendants on The Lord’s ministry (Mark 9:38)

I myself have sought greater power, influence and confidence in Jesus’ Holy Ghost works. I seemed to have had a grip on some at one time. I’d do anything to have it back and to lead this family with it once again …

“Faithless and perverse generation” These and the following words may be considered as spoken:

1. To the disciples, because of their unbelief, Matthew 17:20.

2. To the father of the possessed, who should have brought his son to Christ.

3. To the whole multitude, who were slow of heart to believe in Him as the Messiah, notwithstanding the miracles which He wrought.

Just as a faithless perversion has run me out of the house in which God appointed me …

And Jesus rebuked the devil for having afflicted the child, and commanded him to come out of the boy. “Mark 9:25” has recorded the words which Jesus used. Words implying reproof and command: “Thou dumb and deaf spirit, I charge thee come out of him, and enter no more into him.”

And the spirit cried, and with a mighty convulsion came out, leaving the child apparently dead. Jesus lifted him up by the hand and gave the child to his father.

There is a spirit or many spirits that have overrun my home and forced me out. I have prayed rebuke and for angels to swarm the home and cleanse it for my return. I do not know when, how or if it will happen. I only know it needs to. Grace needs me, my dog needs me, the others need me, my life there needs me, and I need them. I need my sanctuary and altar back. I need this redemption and to restore the home … to save their souls. As well as mine.

2 Samuel 7:27-29

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“For You, O LORD of hosts, God of Israel, have revealed this to Your servant, saying, ‘I will build you a house.’ Therefore Your servant has found it in his heart to pray this prayer to You. “And now, O Lord GOD, You are God, and Your words are true, and You have promised this goodness to Your servant. Now therefore, let it please You to bless the house of Your servant, that it may continue before You forever; for You, O Lord GOD, have spoken it, and with Your blessing let the house of Your servant be blessed forever.”

2 Samuel 7:27-29

Recently I have pointed out my house and family were gifts from God that I prayed to protect and then prayed restore before it lead to me losing everything and being tossed from yet another life.

David’s prayer is full of words of devout affection toward God. He had low thoughts of his own merits, as I do not think so highly myself either. All we have must be looked upon as Divine gifts. David speaks very highly and honorably of the Lord’s favors to him. Considering what the character and condition of man is, we may be amazed that God should deal with David as He does.

The promise of Christ includes all “if the Lord God be ours, what more can we ask, or think of?” Ephesians 3:20.

I did my best and put my heart and soul into making a life in that home. After having been thru so much loss and trial for years prior to this. Never did I put myself above anyone and always did what things I could for the kids and their mother. After my prayers essentially stopped protecting the home from attack and even invasion, I did finally get one child back on board with me in Bible and prayer, that being Grace. That made the devil more angry …

He knows us better than we know ourselves and therefore I was satisfied with what He has done for us. What more can we say for ourselves in our prayers than God has said for us in His promises? However, many things started to falter and eventually ended altogether. Some of it was my own fault. We stopped reading the Bible before dinner, stopped eating at the table and stopped holding our own services in the sanctuary. I could no longer get their mother to spend time at the altar. Over the months I often mentioned that we have gotten away from all this, but no one paid it any mind. Video games and entertainment took over, also partially my fault. My moral authority all went out the window …

Only I for a while kept up in prayer and trying to maintain the ministry alone. Without the love and support if them of course it never grew into anything beyond the internet. Even my videos rarely got attention.

David attributes all to the free grace of God. Both the great things He had done for him and the great things God had made known to him. All was for His word’s sake, that is, for the sake of Christ the eternal Word.

Prayer which is from the tongue only will not please God; it must be found in the heart, lifted up and poured out before God. For a time I wondered and worried if my prayers no longer held any meaning or impact because things I had previously been protecting with prayer were not being protected anymore …

Then finally Grace joined me again in reading the word and praying with me. I go in circles with God about this a lot right now because I am scared her renewed faith is now broken by her mother’s actions against me and this has damaged her daughter greatly having two fathers taken from her …

With God, saying and doing are not two different things as they often are with men; God will do as He has said. The promises of God are not made to us by name, as to David, but they belong to all who believe in Jesus and plead them in His name. I came here knowing gods plan and tho I failed in leading, I prayed desperately for everything to be renewed so I could start fresh where we left off on the right path …

So here I am in this position now while the devil has been allowed to take my kingdom from me. I barely eat and have little motivation for this. I have things to do, people and responsibilities I care about that need me, and I need them …

If I am not to be returned to that home. If Grace has not continued in prayer to bring me back … then all of these happenings are senseless.